“Healing in a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.”

 Hippocrates

…I was rushed by ambulance to Morristown ER in, everybody though I was having a stroke, because left side of my body became totally numb, my blood pressure dropped, and I was half conscious. At that moment I felt so in peace for the first time in those 3 month – I thought: if I was dying at least not by myself in my small Manhattan apartment, and if it was not my time yet, I was in emergency room and they will do what they can.I was hooked up to an IV right away and soon after I was rolled for all kind of tests possible: CT scan, MRI’s, X-rays, blood tests, and some other I had no idea what they were. For one of the CT scans I was given an IV with a contrast dye and then put immediately into some capsule that closed completely when my body was in. Besides feeling like a monkey in a research lab, I got sick from the dye and fall into major panic attack from being in a closed space. After they got me out I was given immediately another IV to stop an allergic reaction from the dye and I was injected with a sedative. I felt like a small tortured rat undergoing medical experiments. My life was a hell as it was already and emergency room experience made it worse. After 12 hours of testing nothing wrong was found and  I was announced healthy and was released home. It was my second ER visit to one of the best hospitals in the country, and according to the doctors NOTHING WAS WRONG with me again!

6 weeks later I became even sicker than before. All pains tripled, neurological problems progressed, facial muscle twitches moved form my left side to the right. I became so paranoid that my right side was going to get paralyzed. I had no idea what was going on with me, I was so scared, I lost my mind and total control over my life.  I started experiencing heart palpitations and really bad panic attacks. I was waking up at night in cold sweat. The night sweats were so bad, I had to change my pajamas twice a night, they were soaked wet. During those panic attacks I though I was dying while desperately grasping for some air. I cannot explain how I felt! I was trying to describe some of it to my sister; she would reply that it was all in my head! Then doctors would tell me it was ALL IN MY HEAD! I was beyond scared and terrified! All by myself, all alone in this country, not a single soul seemed to care, not a single soul showed a sign of compassion… That was the beginning of the hardest period of my life. I knew I was not crazy, but I was in constant pain, that was constantly migrating from place to place, and I was experiencing weird sensations all over my body, but everyone told me it was ALL IN MY HEAD! I was so desperate, I was crying my heart out 24/7 not knowing what was wrong with me and what to do about that!